Imagine living in Amsterdam with 25 other people the same age, working with them, going out with them, exploring this foreign land with them and having fun together.

Now that is what it was like for me; I arrived in Amsterdam on Sept 1^st and left somewhere in March. Those 5 and a bit months changed my life.

When I got home, I loved life because Jesus was living in me and I finally understood what it meant to be free. But when I was working back at the hostel in Amsterdam, it was almost as if it was a different place altogether. I mean spiritually, people just believed and had so much faith. They acknowledged that heaven can be lived on earth through Jesus.

I was with 25 other people who had a desire to share the gospel and really reach out whatever the cost. It wasn’t a side passion or hobby, it was our main priority all that mattered was sharing the Truth.

Now that I’ve been home for over 2 months, things are starting to change.

Some days I feel alive and buzzed to go out and share the gospel, I wake up, I have a decent quiet time and I am close with God. But then some days, it’s like I’ve taken a trip into the past and I’m just living because my body is alive. It’s like I’ve forgotten everything God taught me.

Sometimes I live a lie thinking that I can change other people when I can’t even change myself.

 I get frustrated with people when they don’t put others first or really know what it is like to love others. Or when they think it matters how they act, what they wear and what they say. I get annoyed when people aren’t themselves because they don’t want to be vulnerable or look weak.

See it’s not so much the people I’m annoyed with, it’s more that I now experience a different type of living and I never want to leave. In my head I’m thinking that as soon as lockdown is over, I’m going back to Amsterdam because I don’t want to be around people that aren’t building me up.

I’ve realised that this might be the place for me after all. God taught me a lot about trusting him when I don’t feel like it, faith isn’t based on emotions. Also, that He is our everything. We don’t need anything else when we have Him. And He doesn’t change. He is always with us and He is always faithful.

God knows that there are things in my life that I struggle with, He has also taught me that in Him things are possible. I can’t tackle my problems on my own because that defeats the point that God is with me and that knowing HIM makes me free.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when lockdown is over, but frankly I don’t care because God’s plan is bigger than mine and I need to start trusting in Him than lying to myself, thinking I’m okay and trying to do things myself.

There are desires and temptations that sometimes I don’t manage to overcome. I really believe that in this time God will show me more than He ever has. I just have to trust that he will lead me through my weaknesses, I have to see that I’m the problem and God is the solution.

I don’t know if you know the book of Romans or not but honestly, I love it. Paul’s writing and wisdom is so real and on point. There’s so much spiritual depth and truth to this book. Bang on in the middle, Chapters 6,7 and 8 are so spiritually awakening.

When struggling with sinful desires being a Christian and knowing that wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Cor 3:17). These chapters remind us that there is spiritual warfare. And we must CHOOSE God in order to do good and live in love.

Chapter 7: 14-25:

So, the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So, I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. (NLT)

See, it is our sinful nature trying to pull us away from God and towards the things that destroy us. In order to resist our temptations, we must recognise that every decision we make has spiritual consequences, either taking us closer to God or to the devil.

As for me I must let go of all control in every aspect of my life and let God do what only He can do. I must trust that His time and plans are better than mine. And keep focused to only live a life that is good, pleasing and giving glory to God.